A hunger, a Thirst, a Yearning for God // Ezra Kennedy
Whilst reading I found one thing that stuck out to me to a diffeeent degree than most else, when I read it I could relate to it so much that it sent a strange feeling through my core and caused me to recall several instances when I felt the same way as Augustine. Early in Book nine in chapter 12, Augustine is gifted a toothache that fills him with unbridled pain to the point where he isn’t able to speak. He then enscribes a message petitioning his friends to pray for him. The moment they all dropped to their knees in all faith believing that God hears every word they would speak, the pain that tortured him completely dissipated. The experience was unlike anything he’s experience throughout his life! And that often happens to me, when it happens I can’t help but smile and well up with joy or jump around just a tad.
It reminded me of all of the times I’ve Prayed to God without thinking, “will he answer??”, but prayed because I knew he was listening. I’d think not, “when is he going to answer” (well, sometimes. Because I get so excited about his deliverance that I gain the microwave mentality) or “Did I do it right” because I knew that my father was listening and without any doubt he’d faithfully reward my strong faith. It also caused me to think about how I felt after those encounters, I’d be filled with this desire to have an encounter again. I’d want more of his presence, another sign that he was listening, a little wink from him or a nudge in the right direction. I chased after him and looked for him, that was before I realised that I didn’t have to look or search because he is always around us and always listening.
Something like this is also reflected in Book X. In Augustine’s search for God, His creator, his love, he looks for God in His Creations. The Grass is not God, neither are the heavens nor her celestial Hosts. They are, however, evidence of God. They may not be God but they are hints to his presence. We’re always looking for evidence that he’s real, or that he actually cares about us, or that he listens. He shows us his evidences everyday, but our eyes, ears and hearts can be closed to receive Him. Whenever I catch a glimpse of Him, whether it be in an act of love from another person (because I’ve learned from Augustine that an act of love comes from God Thhrough that individual) or from a situation that happens to work for my greater good, I become overwhelmed with His Joy.
I wonder though, do I look for his little hints now because I still need proof or because I just enjoy acknowledging and being able to recognise his presence. Do I read his word because I feel obligated to as a Christian or because I enjoy the revelation that comes from it? Do I praise Him and lift up his name because I want to give him all of me and to pronounce him Ruler over my heart? Or do I praise him because that’s what my Parents and Grandparents taught me through tradition?
PS. I commented on Josh Evers’ and Zelda Peach’s posts.
It reminded me of all of the times I’ve Prayed to God without thinking, “will he answer??”, but prayed because I knew he was listening. I’d think not, “when is he going to answer” (well, sometimes. Because I get so excited about his deliverance that I gain the microwave mentality) or “Did I do it right” because I knew that my father was listening and without any doubt he’d faithfully reward my strong faith. It also caused me to think about how I felt after those encounters, I’d be filled with this desire to have an encounter again. I’d want more of his presence, another sign that he was listening, a little wink from him or a nudge in the right direction. I chased after him and looked for him, that was before I realised that I didn’t have to look or search because he is always around us and always listening.
Something like this is also reflected in Book X. In Augustine’s search for God, His creator, his love, he looks for God in His Creations. The Grass is not God, neither are the heavens nor her celestial Hosts. They are, however, evidence of God. They may not be God but they are hints to his presence. We’re always looking for evidence that he’s real, or that he actually cares about us, or that he listens. He shows us his evidences everyday, but our eyes, ears and hearts can be closed to receive Him. Whenever I catch a glimpse of Him, whether it be in an act of love from another person (because I’ve learned from Augustine that an act of love comes from God Thhrough that individual) or from a situation that happens to work for my greater good, I become overwhelmed with His Joy.
I wonder though, do I look for his little hints now because I still need proof or because I just enjoy acknowledging and being able to recognise his presence. Do I read his word because I feel obligated to as a Christian or because I enjoy the revelation that comes from it? Do I praise Him and lift up his name because I want to give him all of me and to pronounce him Ruler over my heart? Or do I praise him because that’s what my Parents and Grandparents taught me through tradition?
PS. I commented on Josh Evers’ and Zelda Peach’s posts.
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